A
refreshingly chilly, rainy, early morning. A fresh breath from the stifling
heat of the previous week.
Today, I
woke up alive…
Well, of
course I did. Sure I am no writing ghost. It’s just that, for what feels like
quite some time now, it seems as though my awareness has been all delusional
and it makes me doubt whether something was real or it just happened in my
dream.
I wonder if
you, too, have encountered that feeling when ending your day and waking up felt
like a numbness-inducing, monotonous process. I reckon there is no need for me
to use the word ‘boring’ as I am quite certain that is the gist, if not the
keyword of it.
Today
seemed different though. Waking up from a dream obviously induced by watching
too much TV series, I heard the loud splattering of rain, then felt the
accompanying cool breeze enter our square room. And then I was awake. Fully
awake, with all my senses sharp and aware.
It was one
of those rare moments, when, lying on the bed, random scenes from my life
started flashing through my mind. Like the daredevil moments of crossing the
provincial highway bereft of pedestrian lanes, simulating a similar Famicom
street crossing game. The only difference; I don’t have three lives, just one.
Remembering it made me very afraid. It made me shiver.
Or that night when my
hairdresser friend Boy in the province was telling me of his assistant’s
misadventure in the ditch with a guy one forgotten night. It made me laugh,
well, in my mind that is.
It made me focus
on my reality as well. I had the image of my 14ish self and the ‘I’ that I am
now. Fifteen years later, lying on the bed, it made me very aware
and conscious of my life.
I told
myself, in the personal aspect of my life, I can say I am content, if not
happy. But that is shortchanging the reality of things. On a normal day with a
normal person, things are better than how I perceive them to be. But meh, it’s
me, so the drama must pervade…
I do,
however, realize the missing aspect of my life. I have no professional life. I
have no career to be proud of. Of which, conversely, I can complain about. That
is the empty slot in the puzzle of my life. There are so many things I want to
do and experience.
Fifteen
years later in my life, although I cannot emphasize the word late enough, I
still expect things to take a turn. Through my active initiatives, of course.
There are so many things I still want to do with my life at this stage, and I
will do them. I may not have forever to fulfill them all, but I do have one
life still remaining in this ultra-realistic game called life.
No comments:
Post a Comment